Saturday, October 6, 2012

Dating, Flirting and Break ups. (Viewer request)

BreathingOnlyHurts posted a comment 
2 days ago
I love your videos so much c: You're so mature and I love listening to your opinions. think you can do a video about your advice on dating? Like how to get over a bad breakup, how to meet new people and flirt :D I'd love that.

Thank you so much for the lovely complement!

For you my dear; I will do my best to explain how I deal with relationships.
Dating can sometimes feel like you are actually married to someone... They could be really clingy and want every moment with you, or you could just spiritually feel very intertwined with them. Your souls can be connected on a different level with each other...or you could just both be lusting after each other and not really want a true future in the end.

Love is beyond complicated and has so many unexpected ways of turning out.

Each person you date will be unique and each experience within the relationship will be completely different compared to others you've dated.

When I was in my freshman year of college I did a report for my creative writing class on the greek words for love in hopes to find out more about this emotion that grips hold of my heart daily for various reasons...
Its so beautiful to learn about and I recommend anyone to research it via the internet when they are bored and have nothing else to do. 

My back ground with dating:
1. I've had at least 12 different boyfriends.
2. I've been engaged 3 times.
3. I've had 1 girlfriend

So thats a basic view of where I'm coming from with my advice.


First up. Yes; I have indeed dated ALOT of amazing people, but for me you date (or court) people to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and start a beautiful relationship with.
If I'm with someone and It doesn't 'click' or feel natural... Then I'll end it. No use in prolonging something that wasn't meant to happen in the first place. 

So about 80% of the people I dated was during high school when I was experiencing new personalities and ways of thinking. 
I didn't know myself then so it made dating harder... which leads me to this:

You have to love yourself before you can fully love anyone else.

You cannot rely on them to be your source of love at all times or that will drain them and cause the relationship to fail.

Relationships are give and take.

not give give give.

or take take take.

It should be an even playing field.

When your in love you'll do anything for that person, they are amazing to you on all levels, you dream about them constantly, you look up to them, you want to be in their presence, you want to make them smile, and you want to give them the warmth they give to you.

when your lusting after someone you think they look amazing, You enjoy being seen with them, You couldn't really care their opinion of you, and you just wait for moments for when you can sleep with them.

There is a clear difference. Like night and day.
But some people have a hard time with this.


Im told by family that when I'm single I flirt with everyone....All I have to say is This is not true one bit.
Even in high school girls would key words like "Whore" "skank" and "slut" into my cars paint. I would get notes in my locker telling me that I needed to stop flirting with such and such or else.

I didn't understand why everyone thought I was flirting.

Then it hit me.
Because when I talk to people male/female/bi/gay whatever sexual orientation I'm not talking to a gender I'm talking to a soul... and I bleed love to everyone. I do not touch them physically nor would I want to but I smile warmly and listen whole heartily. 
I Truly care deeply for everyone.
This comes across as flirting I suppose.

I've never really thought of the idea of flirting or how to go about it since I was so picked on for it in high school... I kind of used to shun the thought/concept of it in general.

I thought I was gross for not knowing how to control what people were getting pissy at me about or what it truly was even.

So my advice on how to flirt is:
Don't think too hard on flirting. Just enjoy the person and be fully loving towards them. Flirting doesn't require touching, Its much more effective to just embrace their soul rather then their body.

-and to be honest if someone is flirting with me and touches my arm or body it is a huge turn off for me. I don't like people to touch me unless I know them because I hate having energy on my body that I am not familiar with.
I also assume the worst if they touch me flirting...Like they are only after my body or something silly like that.
I'm just one of those people with a huge personal bubble. 

Break Ups

Ahhh, break ups. The lowest point every time in my life. When I break up with someone or they break up with me it feels like a chunk of my heart has been cut off with a dull knife while I was watching with my hands tied behind my back.

Its hard to breath and I often lose my appetite for at least a month or three months. I literally will stop eating and just drink water... I recluse and paint, draw, write, try to clean my body of the depressed toxins running through it.

I'll lay in bed crying and myself.

But I'll never text the other person or call them again. I'll never include them back in my life again.

I've found in all of my relationships I've had in the past about breaks ups is:

1. If it didn't work the first time it sure as hell wont work the second time.
2. Once someone cheats on you they will do it again. They got away with it once so they assume they can get away with it again. basic human nature.
3. If they text you or call you four months later wanting to get back together don't get back together with them because they honestly don't want to be back with you; they are just in a down point in their life and looking for the last place they found comfort. 

After a break up its much more healthy to hang out with dear friends, or go places to try and create new memories so you can push the old ones to the side more easily...

I just personally love working artistically off of a break up because depression seems to be my best motivation to paint, and write epic pieces.
Little bit of morbid humor there.

So I hope I maybe answered some of the questions you had on these topics, or gave you fun things to chew on mentally...

Thank you for watching my videos and thank you for reading what I write.
(That goes out to everyone also! <3 )

I love you all and wish the best of luck in finding your partner in crime or kindred spirit.

Stay Spooky!

Allison Eckfeldt.


  1. I've had similar accusations when I talk to people - I had a dear friend my Junior year of high school who I thoroughly enjoyed talking with and hanging out with. One day, a girl who I'd been friends with for years told me she was concerned I was "flirting" with him & needed to back off b/c I was in a relationship.

    It was . . . frustrating. Sorry to post a text wall.
    I understand what you're saying about seeing beyond the person and seeing inside of them - I tend to enjoy people for more than you know, their body. I don't want to bang everyone I meet, though I do want to enjoy everyone's company I come in contact with.

    Well, I'm glad your views have been solidified. ;D

  2. I'm not so sure about never giving them a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes. I've forgiven myself and my ex for our failed marriage, and if she wanted to try again, and I wasn't in a relationship, I would consider it.